Sucka MC’s,

Check out the $3.76 worth of saltwater/bass fly tying material I purchased from the Christmas clearance rack of my local home-improvement-do-it-yourself-and-get-busy mega store. Tis the season and git to tying.

According to Abel, they spent 2 years figuring out how to refinish an anodized aluminum reel. This “breakthrough” process involves removing the old finish then re-anodizing the reel while it is “in the white”. This only costs you $100-$250 which must be some sort of recession special based on Abel’s previous price points of “Hedge Fund” and “Trust Fund”.

The truth is with some 80-120 grit alox powder, a blasting cabinet, a hobbyist grade airbrush and $25 worth of Duracote, you can refinish your own reels, and probably every one of your friends’ reels.

Buster, here to help

The sprang is almost here… just a few weeks away. About two, if I’m counting, here in teh Alabam. The bass will be in their pre-spawn frenzy and prolly haven’t taken a gander at a fly or lure in quite some time at the places I mostly frequent. That being said and all, I need to start getting my shit in order. I’ve started to go through boxes, organize flies, and get to tying things I’m desperately in need of….basically all the stuff you’re supposed to do in the winter time. Hunting season kinda gets in the way for me.

I’ve got an old arse Star Inflatable sitting in my garage that hasn’t seen water since October. And I’m really feeling like a looooser over this fact. Normally I would float a few places in North GA and Western NC this time of year and then start hitting my locals first of March. I need some help. Ol’ Big Blue, as we like to call her, has a bigass breach in her hull. It started two years ago when some old adhesive loosened. Then last Fall, the aforementioned October float, she came busting out the seams. I had a couple rolls of duct tape, in matching royal blue, to hide her cleavage till we could make it to the boat ramp. Anyway, I need some advice for anybody who specializes in hypalon magic. Like I said she’s an old girl, has a bladder system…so the repair wouldn’t have to be perfect. I just need some adhesive and/or some technique that will get the job done. I’ve tried two adhesives over the last few months that didn’t work. I’ll throw in some Buster swag and/or other goodies to whoever gives me some damn good advice and instruction. As always, smartassery will not be frowned upon.

Myth: You need to replace your tippet and leader at least once per year. The subtext being that we can’t engineer a plastic that will last longer than that.

The Reality: Doszapatos, after ripping down a 1″ dead branch that had snagged his fly: “Replacing your leader every year is bullshit. This leader is 40 years old.”

The peanut gallery asks “40 years old?”

Dos: “Yep, came from an Orvis starter kit that a friend’s dad had bought 40 years ago.”

Dos, laying it down like a puma, with the 40 year old leader

Today, we salute you, Momofuko Ando, who in 1958 launched Nissin Foods and its main product, Top Ramen. Without you, guides would go hungry, dirtbaggers might actually have to learn how to cook something more complicated than boiling water and hangovers would last twice, twice!, as long. One can buy a week’s supply of your genius creation with the change found under the seat of the average truck, allowing anglers to spend their bills on hackle, dubbing, booze and “tips” at the Star Valley Cabaret.

Without you, we don’t know how we’d get by.

And right before they got air time on Sundance Channel.
More at this blog.
And clearance items here.

The generation schedule on the river was off, the boat was put back up, and plan B was put into motion. Hit up a little local named [redacted] Creek. I haven’t been on it since last May due to drought. It’s a sandy bottom beauty that holds probably my favorite fish, the Redeye bass. I rarely catch them over a pound, but they jump like a tarpon and fight like a mothascratcher. They hammered our popping bugs all day long. Perfect for the two-weight. Oh, …..and we wet waded.

We received three inches of rain here in the great state of Alabammy on Saturday. I was planning a float on Sunday. Those plans have changed with the river kicking 8400+ CFS. So it’s back to the tying desk and to crank out some more stealth bombers for the bassy’s. Been listening to the Dexateens latest, Lost & Found. It’s definitely their best album to date. I thought the first two albums from the Tuscaloosans were alright. This is a good album. Best of all, for a limited time, it’s FREE. Yep. You heard right. Donations are welcome of course, and I threw down a measly 5 spot for the cause. Give ‘em a listen.

http://www.skybucket.com/media/dexateens/

 Photo courtesy of Adam Smith, 2007.

 **Disclaimer - White Licker is best served WITHOUT fruit. Adding fruit has a tendency to have lasting effect(s) into the following day. And not in that good way. But the wimmin’s seem more acceptable to the jar if fruit is present.**

I remember when I first met you. I had shredded the soles of my issue jungle boots hiking around the Franklin Mountains in El Paso. I went straight to that boot repair place on Dyer Ave, walked past the Justins, Larry Mahans and Tony Lamas and asked Mr Rodriguez at the counter if he could hook me up. He pointed, without a word, to your display on the wall. I thought you were kinda pricey at $80 for a resole, but you know what? I rolled the dice and went all in. I thought you were kinda stiff at first, a little uptight, but once you got broke in, you were fine, fine, fine. You are firm, yet supple and you grip like a champ and that’s everything I look for. You never let me down, no matter where I took you- Georgia, California, Korea (shit, I could hear you laughing at the Manchu Mile). I thought I might have to let you go once I got to Florida, what with all them sandals showing some skin, but then you showed me what you were made of out on the flats. Oyster bars and rip rap were no match for you. All them years. You’re showing some wear at the heel now, but you still my number one.

‘possum ridge paralyzer recipe

3 lbs. ripe muscadines
2 lbs. sugar (approx.)
1/4 oz. package yeast
3 or 5 gallon churn
1 gallon hot tap water

Wash and look over muscadines. Place in churn and crush thoroughly. Pour hot tap water in churn. Let work for 10 days. Stir every couple days. Strain off hulls and seeds. Place back in churn. Add sugar (I usually add sugar to taste, usually a little sweeter because it will not be as sweet after it works). Add yeast. Let work of 14 days (sometimes takes a little longer). Stir everyday. Strain off wine. It will take several times of straining to get it strained well. Store in bottles or fruit jars in the refrigerator. 

Git a jar. Find deck or porch and bivouac yourself there. Enjoy.

The Trout Underground has raised another flag for help as a massive private toll highway between Orange and San Diego Counties is up for approval. The path of the private highway would cut through San Onofre State Park and along side San Mateo Creek, the southern most home to wild steelhead on the Pacific Coast. Click here to submit a public comment opposing approval of this private highway.

The Scottish blogger behind Tamanawis averts World War with his neighbors by developing The Catcher in the Hookeye. He also developed the FARTS (Far-reaching And Ridiculously Tenacious Fly Tying System), consisting of the Cube of Domination, The Folders of Beauty and the Boxes of Sublime Reason.

Green Alternative muses on steelhead while finishing a basement and Tom McGuane pops up in the comments section of the New York Time’s Reading Room blog discussing Walker Percy’s “The Moviegoer”

Thomas Tod Stoddart’s Songs and Poems was originally published in Scotland in 1839.  Stoddart was well known and well loved in his native Scotland, but his writing has, over the years, escaped the notice of modern anglers. A shame. Stoddart can be at once tender, funny, profane and biting — and he’s always fun  to read. Songs and Poems is long, long out of print and book collecting scumbags have kept his works from me (now priced in the 100s of dollars) for far too long.

Until now!

Stoddart’s works have fallen into the public domain and Google has recently taken it upon itself to digitize these classic public domain texts. What’s it mean? Now all of Stoddart’s books, including An Angler’s Rambles, Angling Songs and The Angler’s Companion to the Rivers and Lakes of Scotland are now free and available on the internets. O! Anglers! Thee glory!

 THE ANGLER’S INVITE.

COME when the leaf comes, angle with me,
Come when the bee hums over the lea,
Come with the wild flowers—
Come with the mild showers—
Come when the singing bird calleth for thee!

Then to the stream side, gladly we’ll hie,
Where the grey trout glide silently by,
Or in some still place
Over the hill face
Hurrying onward, drop the light fly. ‘

Then, when the dew falls, homeward we’ll speed
To our own loved walls down on the mead,
There, by the bright hearth,
Holding our night mirth,
We’ll drink to sweet friendship in need and in
deed.

Ahh, the Trout Bum. The myth and the reality, brought together in a fertile, co-mingling marketing tryst, giving birth and sustenance to a hot new target demographic. The young will find it an edgy, counter-establishment sub-culture to identify with, and the older will still want to fancy themselves one, immersed in the nostalgia of their youthful freedoms, before important responsibilities like payments on second homes in Jackson and Lexus SUVs got in the way. Living solely to fish, hobo-ing around in exotic locations, camp coffee more suited to chewing than drinking, rumpled chapeaux jauntily askew …who amongst the faithful wouldn’t want to be considered a Trout Bum?

And here we get to the crux of the issue - with so many people all trying to be “bums” simultaneously, how is one to differentiate oneself from the other bums, to rise head and shoulders above the rest to the elusive, elevated status of “Uber-Bum?” Well in the grand old tradition that the marketing industry hopes people will continue to buy into - by spending more money of course!!! After all, individuality is defined by your accessories, right? Anything less is communism, so just shut it right now, Senor Fishe Guevera.

So let’s take a look at a few items that will help you get a leg up on all your wannabe trout bum associates:

Let’s start off with an option that’s easy on the pocket book, the “Trout Bum” cap, at only $19.95 :

Of course, the dilemma here is - go with orange to get noticed, or de riguer olive, but risk blending in? Either way, everyone you meet will be notified of your status, without even having to open your carry-everywhere, pocket brag book for proof.

Okay, now that you’ve got the hat, let’s take things to the next level - the signed, limited edition, 20th Anniversary of “Trout Bum” by John Geirach - $75.00 (available at Alibris.com)

If our for-sale sub-culture has a Bible, this is it. But, there are Bibles, and then there are Bibles, dig? Owning the signed, 20th Anniversary copy makes your Trout Bum status unassailable. And if you still encounter naysayers snickering when they see this on your coffee table, well, it’s a hardback, so feel free to smack ‘em in the head with it. In fact, that might even give the book a little more “weathered” look, which is credit in the bank for the aspiring Trout Bum.

And last, but certainly not least, we come to the Orvis “Limited Edition Trout Bum” rod, a steal for those on a Trout Bum budget at only $1,395.

Rest assured, aspiring Trout Bum - the inclusion of these three simple items in your equipage will turn heads among those wannabe bums, who simply can’t afford the price of admission into the exclusive Bum Club. See, the bottom line here is, the days of the dirtbag eating canned soup off his tailgate and sleeping at the take-out are a thing of the past - you really want be a “Trout Bum?” Put your money where your mouth is, son.

G_Smolt over at The Neil Creek Chronicles is cleaning out his closet and is making some killer deals on his old gear to make some room for new gear. Best part- no prices; just make an offer and haggle a bit. Trades encouraged

The Online Swap Meet at The Neil Creek Chronicles

*NOTE: i swear i’m not making this up.

so, whilst looking around for a new, used driftboat a few months back, it occurs to me that there’s a mint, badass black and white Willie 16′ x 54″ metal dory that’s been sitting unused next to this person’s garage in my neighborhood. i see the sweet thing longing and beckonin’ every damn time i go to the hardware store. for, like, three years now.

eats me alive, fellas. chines are perfect, paint’s unscratched, the thing’s always been covered and just sitting there unrowed and unloved.

me, i’m a rower, a lover and a man hell bent on getting a deal on some good, American heavy metal so i do what needs to be done: me and the dog get tuned up on a few Vitamin R Talls, sit down at the abacus and peck out a real gushy-ass, heartfelt letter about how much we’d love to row that boat if’n they was willing to sell her and seeing how it’s just been sitting there unused, we’d be willing to take it off their hands for a a decent bit of change. thinking it’s a widow’s dead husband’s boat or something, the next day i walk the letter and the dog up there (for effect) and ring the doorbell. no one answers, so i leave the note in the mailbox. even rubbed it with salmon guts for authenticity and mojo.

months or two goes by and i hear nothing, eventually ending up with a different drifty. all was forgotten about that Willie until last night, when i get this email (and again, i swear i’m not bullshitting here):

Hi there!
I’m sorry for the delayed response. I finally just got around to writing…

Anyway, it made me so sad to get your letter about the Willy. I can’t
sell it, it was a gift from my dad…and I’m waiting to buy a truck
eventually so I can pull her myself. But your letter reminded me how
neglected she is at the moment and how I need to change that in the
upcoming year. blahblahchickstuffblahblah.

I wish you luck on your search for a good boat - perhaps you’ve
already found one…

take care,
- Sonya

fools, i offer this up to point out one glaringly unfuckingreal fact:

somewhere in SE Portland, there’s a young chick with no truck and a damn fine driftboat.

discuss.

$18 at a local shop. 1/10th chest pack, 9/10ths Israeli Commando vest, 169% badasss.