The flies. Or the Dudes. We can’t tell who or what looks more battered.

The lack of ego ran megahigh early on Week One/Day One ’round the dinner tent tables at AK West, which tends to happen when you’ve gotta group of dudes with little to prove, a lot of tundra time to kill and a 41° water temp/41° air temp that was making swinging flies for kings damn near fruitless for those devoid of proper karmic 401(k) plans. How it goes with coldwater king fishing, it eventually will and did go off and those with vested soul, as always, reap the reward.

Without much shit to throw anyone’s way yet on account of a botched gagger hookset, a blowed up rod/reel/running line from torquing down on a choker chinook before it was ready for sweet, sweet caressing or farmed 40+ lb. tanker that would haunt a fella well into next winter steelhead season, Horatio “the Instigator” Nailknot, in what could best be described as a sustained haze of brown/sinister conflict fabrication for languid personal entertainment, knocks the shit outta the dinnertime hilarity with a dual. One wherein neither of competitors could afford to lose. But then again, neither were all too sure they’d win. How it goes when two badass sticks decide to throw down with what many consider to be the two best mice patterns ever invented. Thats the beauty of Week One; if the kings don’t show for a day or two, not a problem. The ‘bows haven’t seen a fly since last September.

The Fight Card:

Jeff “The Creasewrecker” Hickman and his venerable Mr. Hanky Mouse

vs.

Kenny “Never Met an R&R Handle He Couldn’t Tame” Morrish and the legendary Morrish Mouse.

The Proving Grounds: The river of which never used to speak and one notorious for insanely stupid mousing, fishing the morning session from 8 a.m. to noon, because out-and-out competition when fly fishing is agreeably pretty wrong. Far be it to deny some soul fishing to these two steelheaders on what may be their only day trout fishing all year.

The Metric: Sheer awesomeness, as measured by guides Trevor Covich and Garrett Sullivan.

Horatio Nailknot’s High Stakes: Loser leaves Team Awesome and goes to Solitude. Ouch.

Blow-by-blow accounts from T and Gary (no one else was there) say the Morrish Mouse pulled ahead strong in early rounds with many and big, and Kenny went deep into a world of smack talk that had the Kid Hickman flustered as anyone named T or Gary had ever seen. Then, outta the tackle bag came Hickman’s secret weapon, his hairbrush. After getting his headmuff right, tight and talking like a dying poo-mouse skating across the surface on ten hits of blotter, we heard Mr. Hanky pulled out a handsome 11th hour save with a pile of rainbows that tore up the top. So much so, that a tie was declared and the Mousecapades were forever deemed a draw, they hugged it out in a uncomfortable-for-everyone-else kumbaya moment and two age-old agreements were reached:

There ain’t a damn thing wrong with mammal-eating A-rok rainbows, and someone really oughta get that flask away from Horatio and his diabolical ideas.

Fine time, guys. A precious few prono shots from the trip:

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