Scalawags
bacon_to_fry
bacon@busterwantstofish.com
bacon_to_fry swings flies for stuff that comes up the local rivers after eating stuff and getting big and badass and pissed somewhere else much saltier. This stuff rarely works and he secretly hates himself for repeatedly doing such foolish stuff so often. He believes the pedal steel is really the siren song of banished angel-sluts. Special manimal powers include a markedly trained ability to lie while looking directly into your eyes and projectile Rainier vomiting in steelhead camp, but only as a means of curing hiccups. He maintains aquaseal and babywipes will get you further in life than duct tape (and much happier), has probably met someone who got to at least third base with your sister and writes all this from a lesbian coffeeshop because “You never really know.”
Smithhammer
Linkage
Smithhammer’s dual PhD’s in submarine architecture and gastrointestinal acoustics have only served to prove his father right. He should have listened to him all along and taken up a lucrative career as a fishing writer instead. To further his misdirection, he lives at the nexus of trout nirvana and instead spends his time cruising dirty ditches and reservoirs for trash fish whilst mumbling to himself, like that guy in the theater with the dirty trenchcoat and the brown paper bag. Friends rarely take him up on offers to go fishing anymore.
Puckett
paul@paulpuckettart.com
I like monster trucks and long walks on nude retirement beaches.
Nachos are good for my labido.
Cheeseburgers, extra mayo, served by toofless mountain folk.
Grub Steak sandwiches. Yeah, well, Google it.
Git-boxes and corn squeezins. Buy or sell.
fishingjones
fishingjones gets his powers from Earth’s yellow sun.
A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and only fishingjones knows why.
fishingjones is pleased to meet you, hope you guess his name.
fishingjones has an irrational fear of blue towels and paprika.
fishingjones breeds champion miniature dachshunds, and hunts wolverines using only his dogs and his childhood Swiss Army Knife.
fishingjones can easily out cast the Rajeff brothers, but wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
fishingjones detests butterflies.
Wally
wally@busterwantstofish.com
Wally greases his hair with motor oil, rarely shaves, and chews on match heads to keep the biting flies and leeches away. Wally angles for trouts mostly but he has a short attention span so he occasionally ranges the flats, sloughs and beaches up and down the Coastal Ranges and across the Columbia Watershed.
Tosh is a 4-time Soul Train line dance champion.
Tosh owns several successful bean farms in Bolivia.
Tosh is an accomplished tuba player and as a youth, formed the Austin Tuba Skiffle Band.
Tosh has begun training in preparation to go into space.
Tosh was sheriff of this county when he was 25 years old.
When he was ten, Tosh won the Texas state champion hog wrastling contest with a time of 4.26 seconds.
Tosh only consumes fat back, chitlins, legumes, and fresh cream.
Tosh routinely catches IGFA world records, fillets them, and gives them away to friends.
Tosh uses shotguns as body pillows; his preference is a Benelli, but he has been known to stoop to Remmington 870′s in a pinch.
Wook (muthafusticus modernusticus)
brookwookie@gmail.com
Wook lurches after fishes in the Central New York hinterlands, battling snow devils, howling packs of rust belt coyotes and great clouds of vampire bugs. Pennsylvania’s much more pleasant, really, and the trout are bigger, so you should go there. Wook enjoys defenestration, syncopation, smartassery and Smuttynose Old Brown Dog. Wook assumes you can swim.
g_smolt
g_smolt spends winters running trap lines deep in the Alaskan interior and his summers relocating “nuisance” crocodiles in the Nile River Valley.
g_smolt bowls a perfect “300″ 60% of the time.
g_smolt has his pants tailored with an extra crotch panel so as to not affect his award-winning roundhouse kick.
g_smolt once beat a yeti at checkers.
g_smolt can suck the chrome off a bumper.
g_smolt endorses Archie comics.
It wasn’t the planes that got him, it was g_smolt killed the beast.
Gaper
Gaper is probably drunk right now, tapping away at some old-timey typewriter pretending to be Hemingway when, of course, we all know he’s more of a Fitzgerald.
Oh yeah, he might also be fishing.
Salty
salty@busterwantstofish.com
Ah, I grew up in New England, slinging bait for trout and bass. I didn’t develop the aficion for fly fishing until I lost my virginity while A River Runs Through It was playing in the background. It was quite the religious experience I assure you and I had my conversion to the fly consecrated that night. I’ve bounced around a bit since those heady days, doing the salt thing down in Florida for a while, hence the name. Now I live in the Arizona borderlands, on an endless quest for water and fish. In my off time I am currently writing two volumes Selective Grayling and Selective Bluegill.
The Giant Viking
The Giant Viking enjoys giant pierogis.
The Giant Viking plays Jarts with death.
Tragically, The Giant Viking suffers from acrophobia.
The Giant Viking thinks Edie McClurg is just swell.
Thee
thee@busterwantstofish.com
Inventor of hardcore punk neo-classic olde tymey garage rock gangsta fyshyng (with an angyle)™, thee is holder of several world records, knower of a coupla good jokes and owner of a by-god-authentic squeezebox. Thee endorses Maxima, American Spirit Tobacco, Rainer Beer, B&W Monitors, Kay Banjos, Koss ES-1 sequencers, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists and learning how to type. In a recently uncovered former life, Thee has been a bicycle-riding Pope. Fo’ reels, holmes. Bring ID and a baggie for yr teef.
creeklover
creek@busterwantstofish.com
Alabama is where creeklover calls home. Naturally he’s a bass-man because of the surrounding ‘scape, but he occasionally gets to visit the mountains and gulf. creeklover loves it when teh old folk tell stories. He also believes drinking and horseshoes are the perfect marriage. He’s scared shitless of inclement weather, especially nado’s. Talents include rowing whitewater while shotgunnin a beer, tying rubber legged dragons with his eyes closed, and cropdusting very sizable crowds on command. Besides fishing his hobbies include: hunting(mainly birds), fly tying, gardening, home brewing, mountain biking, tailgating at SEC foosball games, and keg stands.
banknote
banknote@busterwantstofish.com
banknote loves the van livin’. A fresh block of ice and a full tank of propane excites his soul. He’ll fish for steelhead and trouts, mostly, but sometimes he catches other stuff. Increasingly frequent riverine distractions worthy of photographic record have, of late, left his fly dangling longer than it used to. banknote likes beer, bourbon, and food that tastes like something. He likes to tumble rocks, grow vegetables, pick things in the forest, and plank grill hatchery steelhead fillets smothered in a garlic-caper sauce.
Epol
Epol is in charge of procurement. He works in the boiler room. Actually we think maybe he lives down there. He’s quite clean, but you should keep your hands and feet away from his mouth. While generally harmless, we can’t stress enough that doing Elephant Man imitations within earshot of Epol is a good way to find out what the bidness end of a spanner tastes like. We don’t see him much, but just feel better knowing he’s down there somewhere.
Coach Knight’s Goddamned Guide Service
