Dear Asshat Who Low-Holed That Sweet Tailout From Under Me Yesterday: Yes, you’re a pinner, and there’s no doubting the effectiveness of your floaty toy and sac antics. But you’re also a thoughtless inconsiderate slob of a toolshed no matter what gear you’re using. As for not being thrown in the drink, you’re welcome, but I hope that when your wife picked you up later she promptly punched you square in your stupid face. She looked like the type. Anyway, now your backside gets to enjoy a moment of interwebs fame with a juvenile bit of Photoshop fun. Here’s the original, have at it, savages (you can post yours in the comments using html, but keep them under 800 pixels wide, or you can send them down the email hole).

(To the tune of “Gin n Juice’, and with apologies to Snoop D-O-double G)

…So much drama in the LBC,
It’s kinda hard bein’ Gee ess em ow el tee
But I some how, some way
Keep fightin’ the mine each and every single day.
Can I show a little movie, for the G’s
And give a little talk as I breeze through…

On the road again, currently in Long Beach CA at the hugeness that is the Fred Hall Tackle Show,
raising awareness for what we all stand to lose if the Proposed Pebble Mine is allowed to be
developed. Thanks to the efforts of TUCA chair Drew Irby, the Long Beach Casting Club has
granted us the use of their fine clubhouse for a showing of Red Gold on Saturday, March 6th,
at 7pm. If you haven’t seen this movie and you live in the area, now is your chance to come
out and see what all the fuss is about. Red Gold is a documentary in the best sense of the word,
as it allows folks a chance to see the importance of Bristol Bay salmon from several different
angles as well as allowing the proponents of Pebble to speak their piece. All in all, a good use
of an hour out of your life, especially to see Peter Andrew tell folks in no uncertain terms that
there will be “no net loss here”, or to listen to the unrepentant smugness of Northern Dynasty’s
Bruce Jenkins.

I’m gonna bet that the club wouldn’t mind if you bring a beer or two, and I can probably rustle up
a bag of chips and some salsa…

Come on out, Fisha.

In the event the Pebble Mine horshenanigans weren’t enough to make a super intelligent, worldly wise fisherman like you an absolute advocate for eating wild salmon instead of dye-added, farmed frankenfishcancer, here’s yet another compelling reason to demand wild salmon both at home and from that swanky-ass sushi joint you gotta take your lady to before she’ll give up the luscious poonany.

If it doesn’t say wild salmon on the menu, it’s not and this is the shit folks support when they order farmed salmon:

Nootka Lice Problems from Twyla Roscovich on Vimeo.

Once again, thanks to Saint Alexandra Morton. Someday you’re gonna be a known as a national Canadian treasure for telling these truths.

 ”It’s premature for any reasonable person to formulate an opinion on whether this project’s benefits outweigh the risks.”

- Bruce Jenkins, COO of Northern Dynasty Minerals (quoted from the film, “Red Gold“)

Fast forward. Reported last week in the Anchorage Daily News:

“The companies seeking to develop the massive Pebble mine prospect in Southwest Alaska have agreed to pay a $45,000 fine to the state for unauthorized use of water at their drilling sites.

State regulators said Friday they have suspended the permits for exploration at the Pebble copper and gold deposit…”

More here.

So, Mr. Jenkins, if I have this straight, your company can’t even be trusted to do something as basic as draw water from the correctly permitted sources for some comparatively small-scale drilling, but you want us to trust you with building and operating the largest open pit mine in North America on the headwaters of critical wild salmon habitat?

Not a fucking chance.

Nominated for an Award from the Nature Conservancy (Fuck those assholes and their access policie$)

November 20, 2009 

Mr. Donald L. Beaver, Jr.Chief Executive OfficerSpring Ridge Club, LLC

Dear Mr. Beaver, 

Congratulations! Spring Ridge Club was selected by an independent panel of judges as a finalist in the Investing in Nature program in the Ecotourism category. 

Selecting award finalists was a difficult task for our blue-ribbon panel of judges. It is an honor of which to be proud. There was a robust field of nominees from across

 Sincerely, 

Teresa Howell Saxton

Donor Relations Manager

  And from the newsletter, Cathy Beck on a private Lake Erie trib.

 Epol fixed it though:

Merry Christmas.

When your previous venture is tarred and feathered unmercilessly, change the name and hope no one notices. Way to go, Donny!!!!!!!

“These waters, now totaling over 30 miles, are dotted across central Pennsylvania’s undulating farmland from the Delaware Water Gap to just west of the Ohio border. Mr. Beaver’s venture, Spring Ridge Club, which was brought to fruition with the help of a few Founding Members, received wide acclaim and gained momentum quickly.”

Somehow, I really doubt that “acclaim” part.

“Not only does a membership to HomeWaters Club let you cherish time away with the most important people in your life, but it also allows you to pass on the privileges of membership to your children, who can pay it forward to their children.

There are few experiences in life that transcend generations and take root as traditions—HomeWaters Club offers the chance to Create a Legacy.”

Only if your legacy consists of being a fuckstick.

Membership to the HomeWaters Club is not something decided on a whim, or overnight. It is a commitment to protect the future of fly fishing for our grandchildren and their children. It is a commitment to devote quality time to our families and find time in solitude for ourselves. And, most importantly, it is a commitment to help preserve our precious waters so that nature’s gifts will continue to flow freely.

And make a lot of money illegally closing off a public resource.

From the FAQ

6. What about plans for the future? Will HomeWaters be expanding?
In 2001, the club began with two miles and six members. Seven years later, we now have over 75 miles and 180 members. During the next decade, HomeWaters will explore expansion options into the Shenandoah Valley, the western Carolinas, southwest Colorado, the Ozarks, Catskills, Jackson Hole, Park City, northern California and Bend, Oregon.

At least now we know where to be on the look out and who should stock up on bolt cutters and chains.

And finally, found comedy!

10. Will I catch fish?
Absolutely. No “skunk” days. As close to a sure thing as you can get.

No really; apparently the attention that the AMFF is getting from the Cheney’s appearance is causing some poor staffer to weep hot tears on her pillow:

Taking a moment to rant/whine/whatever. Please feel absolutely free to skip this, and if you do happen to read it know that no one should feel any obligation to reply–I just really need to vent.Because the fundraiser where Cheney is a guest is less than a month away, it’s once again getting notice. Which means we’re once again seeing stuff like this and this. Not to mention the lovely emails and letters.I’m just so… tired of it, not to mention beyond frustrated. I’m tired of being called names, of the insults, of folks not even attempting to get the whole story or see the other side, and of not being able to respond. I’m tired of people who’ve never taken notice of us before–if they even knew the museum existed–suddenly giving us tons of grief. I’m tired of all this righteous indignation from those who have no idea that we’ve had to lay off friends and still sometimes struggle to cover payroll. I’m just so fucking tired of all of it, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about any of it.Okay, that’s it. Back to your regularly scheduled programming. And thanks for giving me a safe place to talk.

I got news for you- you aid and abet those that try to destroy habitat, not to mention running roughshod over the Constitution for 8 years, you deserve some grief, and some angry phone calls, black faxes and letters. Other enablers of despots got it much worse.

From the recent invite sent out by the American Museum of Fly Fishing:

Angler’s All Presentation
November 12

Grand Hyatt

Washington, DC

Please join the AMFF on Thursday, November 12, 2009, for our Anglers
All Presentation in Washington, DC. The evening will also include an
address by former Vice President Dick Cheney. Festivities begin at the
Hilton in Washington, DC, at 6 p.m., and will include appetizers,
wine, and dinner.

A seat in the back row will run you $500. Seating within firing range will cost up to $10,000 and require an apology after the fact. That’s not a joke. Well, maybe the apology part.

To make your reservation now, or to let the AMFF know how excited you are (not) about their choice of speaker, go to the American Museum of Fly Fishing website (sorry, we won’t link them).

Douchebags…

I really thought the recession would kill this off, except now the WSJ thinks it’s prime time to expand the idea. 

“While glamping is sometimes caricatured as over-the-top luxury (think butlers with bug spray), its real potential is in making “roughing it” a little less rough but still affordable. At the moment, the very high-end dude ranches are still conspicuous consumption. But camping with trimmings — tents with heaters, eco-outhouses, showers hidden around the corner — has tremendous appeal.  It’s outdoorsy, but with a good mix of the comforts of an active resort.  The business people who provide these experiences get to skip building a big hotel, and put up “mobile rooms” instead. Meanwhile, glampers get a feeling of being close to nature, with a full complement of activities like hiking, fly-fishing and kayaking.”

If you happen to be one of those people who still have confidence that Northern Dynasty, the company behind the proposed Pebble Mine, will somehow run an entirely clean operation with no impact on the surrounding environment, or that ND’s COO, Bruce Jenkins, is truly being honest when he says things like, “it’s premature for any reasonable person to formulate an opinion about whether or not this project’s benefits outweigh the risks,” just consider that one method Northern Dynasty has proposed for disposal of its toxic tailings is to pump the waste into Lake Iliamna, and/or other surrounding lakes. For those unfamiliar with the area, Lake Iliamna is the largest freshwater lake in all of Alaska, home to the headwaters of critical salmon spawning rivers, and to the people who live along its shores and depend on its salmon runs.

On Monday, July 5th, in a vote of 6-3, the Supreme Court made it far easier for Northern Dynasty to pursue that possibility if it chooses to do so, by upholding a definition put forth by the Bush Administration to label mine tailings as “fill” rather than pollution, therefore skirting around prohibitions stated in the Clean Water Act. While the ruling in question concerned the Kensington gold mine in southeast Alaska (owned by Coeur), which had petitioned to be able to dispose of its tailings into nearby Slate Lake, it is also one method that is being considered by the Pebble Mine as well. Yesterday’s ruling makes it a much more likely possibility given that other disposal methods tend to be a lot more costly.

Damn the justices of the Supreme Court who voted in favor this ruling (Roberts, Alito, Thomas, Scalia, Breyer and Kennedy); a ruling which undermines the very type of thing that the Clean Water Act was intended to outlaw. Far beyond merely the Bristol Bay issue, however (as if that isn’t bad enough), this ruling opens the doors to a potentially devastating amount of impact to our watersheds wherever mining activity occurs.

Read Alaskan commercial fisherman Izetta Chambers’ passionate op-ed piece on the Supreme Court ruling in the recent Anchorage Daily news.

For more on this decision, and other recent, quietly-made Supreme Court decisions which help protect corporate polluters, in the recent L.A. Times: Justices Ok Dumping Mine Waste in Lakes.

And if you’ve somehow been living under a rock and haven’t heard about the Pebble Mine, or the award-winning film by Feltsoul titled, “Red Gold,” check the trailer and learn more here.

June 5th, 1976. Teton county, eastern Idaho. The dam on the Teton River failed, sending a wall of water 15 feet high and 7-8 miles wide, downstream.

11 people were killed.

Thousands of homes and businesses were destroyed.

Estimates of the damage were well over $1 billion (in 1976 $).

During construction, Trout Unlimited teamed up with other concerned groups and filed an injunction to get construction on the dam suspended, citing inadequate environmental analysis. The judge threw the injunction out, and construction continued.

One of the points raised by the coalition was insufficient examination of the porous rock on site. The porous nature of the rock that the dam was built on was noted as a key reason for the dam’s failure.

The dam failed before it had entirely filled. It continues to be the worst failure in the history of the Bureau of Reclamation.

Fast forward to today. The State of Idaho has recently granted $800,000 to research new water containment options in the upper Snake region, including considering rebuilding the Teton Dam.

The Teton River is home to a struggling population of native Yellowstone cutthroat. There are other, safer and less impactful options to address eastern Idaho’s water needs.

Down goes the Yellowstone Club, and the NY Times is there to write a fawning, bizzaro obituary both for the club and its nut case owners. A case of just desserts for the ultra rich? Jealous vengence? A morality play set upon the gates of Yellowstone? A warning to other knuckleheads attempting to do the same thing in other, much less desirable settings (Yes, I’m looking at you, Red’s Fly Shop/Canyon River Ranch)? Whatever you may wish to call it, please do enjoy the wreckage, anglers!

“Some homes had private elevators, wine cellars, movie theaters and spas, and one spec house — called the River Runs Through It home — featured an all-glass passageway to the guest quarters with a heated river flowing beneath it. For a while, the club had $1,000-a-head New Year’s Eve bashes, a sommelier and concierge service.”

Of shit, that is.

The Bend Bulletin reports on the latest turn of events in the $100 million native salmon and steelhead restoration federal dam relicensing project of Portland General Electric and the Confederated Tribes of Warm Springs at Pelton-Round Butte Dam Complex in Central Oregon. You know, the dam complex that, 60 years ago, was never going to impact salmon. But then it did. Not the least of those impacts: juvenile fish can’t find their way past the swirling confusion of currents in the resultant Lake Billy Chinook to continue their journey down river.

About ten years ago a solution was conceived and in 2004 agreed to as a condition of relicensing. Along with the re-introduction of salmon and steelhead young to their historic natal waters up river, a 270 foot high tower, anchored to the bottom of the lake, would create currents for migrating fish to follow into a collection facility. From there they would eventually be trucked, in trucks, around the dams and put back into the Lower Deschutes River for their continued journey out to sea.

On April 11th, only days from scheduled completion, a section of the tower broke during assembly, half of it sinking to the lake bottom and breaking into several pieces, the other half floating to the surface. Everyone involved, it’s reported, was dumbfounded. The jury’s still out on what happens next, but a delay of at least four months seems inevitable. Meanwhile as many migrating smolts as can be collected via other means will still get a truck ride around the dams.

My take? (And I’ve kept my mouth mostly shut about it until now because the rosily forecast fruition of this harebrained project would, I’ll admit, be a fantastically cool thing to witness.) Who cares if the tower collapsed? For the aforementioned perpetrators and anyone else with a financial stake in continued operation of the dam complex, the project is already a success no matter what happens to the fish.

I mean come on, an anadromous fish restoration program that relies on collecting and driving fish down river in trucks? For real? It’s not the first time we’ve seen fish trucked around dams, but as a permanent solution to re-establishing a self-sustaining wild population of salmon and steelhead?

You’re kidding, right?

Programs like this, aimed at satisfying environmental regulation by mitigating the damage already done to historical fish stocks, add up to nothing more than an acceptable cost of staying in business. Sure a lot of talented and very well intentioned people apply themselves in good faith toward the purported goals of these endeavors, but I fear the fiscal and political support they receive only really stretches so far as the regulatory aspect of the business requires it.

It’s a fascinating prospect, the return of salmon and steelhead to the Metolius, the Crooked, the Upper Deschutes and their desert feeders, but it’s a flawed, artificial restoration. Some would argue, though I’m not ready to yet, that this particular watershed is a lost cause. Stopping short of such hopelessness for the drainage at hand, I’d still say that if this is the best anyone can yet come up with, then the money, the brains, the sweat and the political will would have been better spent elsewhere. Some place where the fish get to stay in the river.

How often have you found yourself laying in your tent in the morning, seriously hungover, craving a bacon breakfast, but unwilling to move? How often have you found yourself laying in your tent late at night, craving just a wee pork snack before slumber, but unwilling to move? How often do you just feel unwilling to do anything more than the bare minimum, period, no matter where you are?

Well, we all loves the squeeler, but let’s face it – makin’ bacon is a labor-intensive chore. First, you have to fire up the Coleman two-burner, then you have to place a pan on the grill, then put the bacon in it, and then, as if that weren’t enough, you have to flip the damn thing over halfway through the process…. all this before that slab of porcine love ever reaches your plate. No wonder you’re exhausted. I mean Jeezus – could they make cooking bacon any more like brain surgery?!? 

Well, take heart, you lazy stains – Buster is always looking for ways to make your life easier, and the answer has been found:

We’ve also recently discovered that if you squeeze it onto a string and let it dry for a few weeks, it makes an excellent chenille for streamer patterns. Bass luves it.

(props to ThinkGeek.com)

The orange blocks illustrate the 48-year clear-cut plan for the Wilson River, just one of the seven major drainages on Oregon’s North Coast that will be devastated by clear-cut logging in our State Forests, an antiquated resource extraction model that puts wild salmonids and an entire region’s identity at the expense of the almighty, temporary dollar. The black lines illustrate the absolutely essential salmon anchor habitat at risk.

All the unproductive banter that’s gotten us relatively nowhere in the last 50 years aside, consider what it’s like to fish with a monkey this orange and ugly on your back; No matter how much time, effort, hard-earned cash and sweat we’ve all tried to put towards giving back something to the watersheds that have saved and defined our lives, it seems you’re always, eventually left standing there. Shaking in anger and disbelief at how far outta perspective things have truly gotten as the numbers of returning fish get worse, year in, year out.

Below hillsides scraped of vegetation, spawning gravel buried by slides and siltation, and the endless parade of log trucks driving precious carbon off to be milled overseas, you keep at it. You’re still out there, waded knee deep in that perfect river with your fly swinging through the fast seam that meets the slow, soft inside. But these days, you’re only half-fishing that gorgeous bluegreen water. Instead, you’re preoccupied with a final emotion far more real.

You can’t get that picture of your friend Jeff’s beautiful boy, age 2, out of your head. Or Darin’s son, age 4. Carter’s girl, age 6. Or maybe your unborn kid, scared to death of the very real possibility that you might be among the last generation of fishermen to really know the true stoke of wild, native Northwest fish.

I’ve seen the latest fish porn videos, and I’ve read all the fool-ass magazines and still, I can’t be any more honest when I type the following:

This is how it feels be a steelheader in 2009.

That money can’t buy you love, but it can help our native fish:

www.nativefishsociety.org

www.wildsalmoncenter.org

www.wildsteelheadcoalition.org

AMFF to Average Anglers- Go Fuck yourself

“Moments ago we spoke with Cathi Comar, the executive director of the American Museum of Fly Fishing, and learned that the Museum has gone ahead with their invitation to former Vice President Dick Cheney to attend their annual fundraiser dinner in the fall… ‘Although we work with conservation organizations,’ she said, ‘conservation itself is outside of our role.’”

Hat tip to Midcurrent for the update.

And the latest in the, “We Can Neither Deny Nor Confirm That Darth Will Be Appearing At Our Annual Dinner” Dept:

*** Money detail: In 2008, in the towns of Brattleboro and Marlboro, Vt. (less than 50 miles from the AMFF), the citizens of those towns voted to indict George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for  “crimes against our Constitution.” The indictments went into effect upon W. and Dick leaving office, which is to say, both are now “wanted men” in those  towns and police are authorized to arrest them on sight. Troof. We’re not making this up.

Now this begs the question – is the AMFF really so clueless that they would invite Big Dick, knowing that in towns less than 50 miles from the Museum, he’s been indicted for serious crimes against the Constitution?!? Or do they just not care? Either way, the Museum continues to be, “unable to confirm nor deny” that Cheney will be appearing at their annual 2009 dinner…

Btw, if you’d like to share your thoughts about Big Dick appearing at the AMFF, you can contact the museum’s  executive director, Catherine Comar, who, at this point, has taken a firm stand on only being able to confirm that she cannot deny that Dick might be there, or he might not be. Any bets on whether he’ll appear via secure tele-link from an undisclosed bunker location?

From the “Shouldn’t They Be Handing Out Free Copies With Every Wonder Boner?” files comes…

FLY FISHING THE WORLD!!!

“Join ESPN’s John Barrett and celebrity guests like supermodel Niki Taylor, Oscar® nominee Liam Neeson, rock legend Huey Lewis, and “The Fonze,” Henry Winkler, as they fish the most bountiful waters the planet has to offer in pursuit of bonefish, trout, redfish, and dorado. From the remote Arctic regions of Russia, to the southern stretches of New Zealand—the British Isles to the Bahamas, John and his guests explore the culture, wildlife, and unforgettable waters of each area they visit as they go Fly Fishing the World.”

Celebrity Guests:
Niki Taylor • Huey Lewis
Les Claypool • Henry Winkler
Liam Neeson • Merlin Olsen
John O’Hurley • Denis Potvin
John Havlicek

No, we’re not providing a link to this. Sorry.

Ted Williams reports that the guest of honor at the spring meeting of the American Museum of Fly Fishing will be none other than that ultimate defender of wildlife, Dick Cheney.

You may still be recovering from New Years, but you did read that correctly.

 Let them know how you feel

Catherine E. Comar, Executive Director
American Museum of Fly Fishing
4104 Main Street
Manchester, Vermont 05254

amff@amff.com